It's no secret that adoption can be a scary experience and those who adopt are well aware of those worries and uncertainties. If you know a friend or family member who is adopting, one of the best ways to be a supportive friend is to avoid offering reminders of all of those fears. They already have enough things keeping them up at night.
Oftentimes when people adopt their loved ones come to them with every kind of scary story or worst case scenario situation they have heard about. While it's true that not all adoptions end with a happily ever after forever family, most do. Families who are adopting are well-aware of all of the situations that could occur, and for their own personal reasons, they have chosen to go forward with the adoption.
The family that is adopting could even specify that they would be open to adopting a child who has special needs, is disabled, or is (gasp!) a teenager. It's nearly impossible for anyone to adopt who has not received counseling in preparation; and the more challenging the circumstances, the more counseling may continue after the adoption is finalized. Everyone desires,the same thing, which is the best outcome for themselves and the child.
To you, their friend, it may feel like they are making a choice because of a pull of the heartstrings, and not a realistic wise decision. But contrary to you feeling the need to educate them on the realities involved comments about it will likely only create conflict in your relationship.
What are some topics you should avoid asking about? Some examples are:
[1] Are you nervous that you won't bond with the baby since you didn't carry it?
[2] What if your child doesn't look anything like you?
[3] Isn't adoption really expensive? How can you afford that?
[4] Sometimes adoption can turn into a real nightmare when the birth father wants rights. What exactly do you know about this guy?
[5] Do you have to pay for the birth mom;s medical expenses? What if she changes her mind about the adoption after the baby is born and just takes off?
[6] Some day she will be a teenager and want to run off and live with her birth mom. What will you do then?
[7] Aren't you scared that his real mom will change her mind and fight to get him back?
[8] What if your child has some genetic disease and you could have avoided it if you'd known his medical history?
[9] Do you think you can love her as much as your other kids?
[10] Older children come with a lot more emotional baggage. Have you considered getting a baby so you'd be the mom from day one?
[11] Did you hear that news story about the birth mom who kidnapped her adopted child because she changed her mind?
[12] Are you anxious that he isn't really yours until the court date?
While it's true that adoption is full of unknowns, parenting in general is a learning experience each day. If your friend or family member is adopting, or has just adopted, understand that they don't necessarily need your input to make sure they are aware of fears that can accompany the adoption journey.
Each family that adopts must choose to surrender over the fears and hope. Your support as a good friend is more valuable than any questions you can ask. - 22783
Oftentimes when people adopt their loved ones come to them with every kind of scary story or worst case scenario situation they have heard about. While it's true that not all adoptions end with a happily ever after forever family, most do. Families who are adopting are well-aware of all of the situations that could occur, and for their own personal reasons, they have chosen to go forward with the adoption.
The family that is adopting could even specify that they would be open to adopting a child who has special needs, is disabled, or is (gasp!) a teenager. It's nearly impossible for anyone to adopt who has not received counseling in preparation; and the more challenging the circumstances, the more counseling may continue after the adoption is finalized. Everyone desires,the same thing, which is the best outcome for themselves and the child.
To you, their friend, it may feel like they are making a choice because of a pull of the heartstrings, and not a realistic wise decision. But contrary to you feeling the need to educate them on the realities involved comments about it will likely only create conflict in your relationship.
What are some topics you should avoid asking about? Some examples are:
[1] Are you nervous that you won't bond with the baby since you didn't carry it?
[2] What if your child doesn't look anything like you?
[3] Isn't adoption really expensive? How can you afford that?
[4] Sometimes adoption can turn into a real nightmare when the birth father wants rights. What exactly do you know about this guy?
[5] Do you have to pay for the birth mom;s medical expenses? What if she changes her mind about the adoption after the baby is born and just takes off?
[6] Some day she will be a teenager and want to run off and live with her birth mom. What will you do then?
[7] Aren't you scared that his real mom will change her mind and fight to get him back?
[8] What if your child has some genetic disease and you could have avoided it if you'd known his medical history?
[9] Do you think you can love her as much as your other kids?
[10] Older children come with a lot more emotional baggage. Have you considered getting a baby so you'd be the mom from day one?
[11] Did you hear that news story about the birth mom who kidnapped her adopted child because she changed her mind?
[12] Are you anxious that he isn't really yours until the court date?
While it's true that adoption is full of unknowns, parenting in general is a learning experience each day. If your friend or family member is adopting, or has just adopted, understand that they don't necessarily need your input to make sure they are aware of fears that can accompany the adoption journey.
Each family that adopts must choose to surrender over the fears and hope. Your support as a good friend is more valuable than any questions you can ask. - 22783
About the Author:
Adoption baby albums make the perfect personalized gift for an adopting family. Scrapbook My Adoption uses transparency overlays, digital files or embellishments to make it simple to have a beautiful lifebook your friend will treasure. Find more beneficial articles for friends of those who are adopting at scrapbookmyadoption.com
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